Seven Years
by recchinon
Summary: He left her for seven years. Now that he comes back, he finds out that she was not alone anymore. Wait... who is that kid? -OOC-
1. prologue

**Disclaimer: Standard applied**

**Warning: ooc/angst**

**Prologue**

I was awaken from my slumber when I heard the pilot announced to the passenger that in a few minutes we would be landing on Japan International Airport, Narita. I checked on my seatbelt once more, one of the worst thing of riding a plane is the landing time. Plus I had such a bad experience. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. It had been a long time. A really long time. I never thought that one day I would actually come back to this country.

How long had it been?

Five years? Six years?

I opened my eyes slowly. I looked outside the window, I could see the airport already. It was not a pleasant feeling to come back to the country where I had spent half of my life, it was a terrible feeling that filled my chest. I could not breath. Seven years. Yes, it had been seven years since the last time I went to Japan. It had been that long. I wondered if everything was still the same as the last time I saw it.

I closed my eyes again tiredly.

No.

Everything wouldn't be the same.

I sighed. Seven years. When was the last time I saw him? Ah, yes, seven years ago. Right after he knew what had happened to me and her. That was the last time I met him. Never once I saw him, or even talked to him since then. And now, here I was, on my way back to Japan. For his funeral.

At the moment, I did not know what to think.

I still could not believe it. He had always been healthy for me. He was... old. But he had always been a healthy old man. If only I knew that he had been weakened these last few years... At least, I would try to visit him. I rested my back, well not like he would let me to see him, but at least if I knew, I would do something. However, I was still his pupil and he was still my master. To say that I was sorry was just a big understatement. I felt horrible.

Last night, when Elise called me, I could not believe it. I thought it had been just a misunderstanding. That it was a prank. Maybe, he just wanted to teach me some lesson for never visiting him these last seven years. But I knew that the way Elise sobbed as she told me the news would not lie. It was not a prank, unfortunately, that soon after the call I could see the news on the internet. I could try to tell my self that this was just a joke but but deep inside I knew that it was true. Stresseman had been passed away.

There were many reasons why I actually did not want to go back to Japan. If only he did not request to be buried in Japan, next to his love's who had been died two years ago, I would not ever come back to Japan. No matter how hard my mother had tried to make me coming back, I would always find a reason to say no.

_She_ was the reason.

Now that I had to come back to Japan, and attended the funeral, there was a big chance that I would meet her there.

It had been seven years.

I did not know how to feel, should I be happy? After all, to say that I did not miss her was a big lie. After these damn seven years, I could count how many nights I did not dream about her, and that was really a few. Most of the nights, she would hi-jack my dreams.

It had been seven years and yet I had not changed at all, no, at least my feeling had not change at all. I shook my head to erased the thought. No, I could not think like this. Not now, when all the things between us had been no more than a part of our past time. But still, those memories kept haunting my sleep. Even when I was awake like now, the memories of her would sneak into my head. Forced me to remember her again. To remember her and to be hurt. To remember her and to be helpless.

I was pathetic.

It had been all my fault.

I was the one who sent her away.

It was for her own good, yes, but still I was the one who ruined everything.

_"I would call you."_

_"Promise?"_

_I smiled._

_She asked again, "Promise?"_

_"I promise."_

But I never called her.

She called but I never answered it, and now it had been seven years.

Yet, all the pain had not gone.

Maybe it would never gone.

I clenched my jaw tightly as the plane started to land. In few minutes I'll be in Japan, where she had spent her life these past seven years. I wondered if she was still the same girl as the one who always appeared in my dream for these seven years.

I let out a deep breath. It was about time. I would see her again.

I wondered how would she react when she saw me.

_Nodame...._

-

**A.N**

Yay~

Here is a new story from me :D This is rated T for language and mild sexual theme, but nothing explicit. This will be angst, yes. And if you thought the plot was similar with some other story, well I am sorry but try give it a chance, you can't judge a story from its prologue, no? I tried my best to work on my plot and grammars so for all the bad things you find in this story, I am sorry because I was still learning. :)

BTW, No, I still continue Ever After, :D I had my own target with that fic, ok?

The reason why I posted this fic while I still have many unfinished project is simply to inspire more authors to write more Nodame fics! I mean, lately some new authors have posted their stories and that makes me happy! :D I hope my readers would read those stories too :) because actually I could not struggle to keep this fandom alive without your help! I have ever told you that at least I wanna see 200 fics in Nodame section and now there have been 144 fics!!!! Yay!!!! 56 to go! So, c'mon girls (and boys), if you have some idea, don't hesitate to share it with us. :D I would be more than happy to help you with your fic if you want me to. You could discuss it with me, it would be fun, :) just add my facebook kay! :D

Ah! I almost forget, I don't think I could update fast now. When I late updating my fic, I swear it was not because I wait for more reviews to come but because I am really busy. I am on my third year in law faculty now and lately I have a new job as a hair stylist and make up artist, I'll be really busy at sometime and I hope you could forgive me for being late.

Last! Thanks so much for reading! Leave review if you think it deserves the review. If not, well, it's ok... Really.. ^^

recchinon:OUT 


	2. Chapter 1 And he comes back

**Disc: Standard applied**

**Seven Years**

**Chapter 1—Nodame—**

"Are you okay?"

I tilted my head only to look at a tall blonde man in black suit stood in front of me. He was scowling and his hands were deep inside the pockets on his dark pants. I took a deep breath. It was hard for me to open my mouth without letting out a sob. I should not cry but I could not just pretend that I am okay. I was never a good liar.

"Nodame's…" I tried to find a better word to express my feeling, finally after few seconds I found one, "…upset."

He sighed and sat down on the chair next to me, he gave me a nervous smile, "Err… do you need a hug?"

I looked at him for a few seconds, pretending to think about it when I actually already decided that I wanted it. After few seconds passed I nodded and I let him to pull me into a warm tight hug—one of thousand hugs that he had given to me to comfort me for these last seven year. He would usually rub my back soothingly or pat my head friendly, but this time he did not do any of it. He just hugged me tightly. He did not even whisper any comforting words to my ear.

It had been seven years.

It was more than enough time for him to understand that I did not want any soothing words at this moment. A hug is enough, and he knew that.

He pressed his nose to my neck, I could feel his hot breathe tickled my neck.

This was not good, gyaaabooo… I could fall for him!

I slapped my head mentally at that thought. I had been stupid. No, it was wrong to fall for our very own best friend. No matter even if the best friend had been divorced with his wife two years ago. No, this was not love…

I knew it, because I had experienced love once.

This was not love.

"Mine…" I whispered nervously, I was not really comfortable with this position—his face was practically stuck on my neck—if somebody saw this, we could be damned. After all of these years trying to proof to those people that there was nothing between us, I did not want to make them get it wrong.

"Hmm?" He still did not let me go.

"Nodame's fine now."

He whined, "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Ewww…"

"Now let Nodame go."

"Just few more second…. It had been a very long time since I could touch a woman's body…"

"Mukyaaa!" I shoved him away from me, "Hentai!"

Mine smiled sheepishly, "I'm just joking." He rubbed the back of his head.

A very bad joke. I knew very well that as much as I did not love him that way, he never looked at me that way. He looked at me like friend, like a sister but never like a woman. I understood and I would not want it any other way because it was just the same for me. I, after all of these year still loved the same man.

Mine suddenly stood up and put his hands back into his pockets. He smiled, "I am glad you did not look that upset anymore… You feel better now?"

I nodded.

I knew it. He did that to make me feeling better. He was always like this. He was a really kind person—a little stupid maybe but Mine is a really kind man—it such a waste that his wife could not see it and had asked for a divorce.

I stood up too.

The funeral would be in any minute from now. It would be a cremation with traditional funeral ceremony, so for the last time I wanted to see him. He had always wanted to have a Japanese traditional ceremony for his funeral, with the Shinto priest read the prayer for him as his body got cremated. He was not even a Shinto, but who could deny the infamous maestro?

He wanted to be cremated and later the ashes to be buried in the same spot with his love.

I swallowed. His love was so strong. He wanted to be with her, even after he died. No, he wanted to be with her after he died because he could never have the chance to be with her when he was alive. Once, just once he ever told me that if only he were not born as a Germany…

"_If I was a Japanese like her maybe she would love me…"_

_I pouted, "She loved you."_

"_But still we could not be together."_

"_It was not because you were different!" _

_He looked at me smiled tenderly, "No… Of course no…"_

_Still smiling, the old man tilted his tired face and looked at the cloudy sky, "If we could not be together here, I hope we'll be together in hereafter…"_

It was two years go, right after her funeral. Right there and then he decided that he wanted to be cremated just like what they did to her body. He just loved her so much until he lost his mind sometime. He was very much like me.

Mine put his large hand on my shoulder as we walked to the room where they put his body in the traditional coffin. While walking, I could see many familiar faces. Most of them are musician or people who worked in music industry. I bit my lip. Instinctively I moved closer to Mine. He understood and he tightened his grip on my shoulder.

Some people recognized me—I knew from the way the nodded at me—but I am lucky they did not say anything. They looked at me and Mine. I knew what they thought. They must think that we were dating. Let them think what they believe. I had been used with all the wrong impression people had about me since seven years ago.

I could see Elise stood next to the coffin. She was talking with some people, shook their hand and when those people finally left her alone she finally recognized me. I could how red her eyes were. It must be really though for her. However he had been like a father for her.

"Here you are." She said when I was right in front of her, "Where's the boy?"

"We left him in Uraken…" I answered, "He refused to come, but Masumi is trying to drag him here now…" I snickered, "That boy could be really troublesome sometime."

Elise frowned, I knew she knew I did not mean what I said about the boy "You don't have to force him, you know. He had been really close with Maestro… It must be hard for him."

"It is hard for us." My voice was getting stern, I loved the boy but I did not want to let him running away from the reality, "He has to come and see him, for the last time. If he doesn't, I know he would regret it later…"

Elise just nodded, she understood what I meant by that. She looked at her watch and sighed, "It's about time…"

"What are we waiting actually?" Mine asked, "Why not the priest just started the prayer? The prayers were usually could be really long… Besides…" he looked around, "I thought everyone has been here."

The blonde Germany shook her head, "No, we're waiting for him."

"Him?"

As if all had been set, right after Mine asked the question, the said person came.

"I'm sorry I'm late."

I was getting tensed when I heard the familiar voice of a man who I hadn't seen for seven years right from behind me.

I turned around automatically—a little bit too quickly that I hurt my neck a bit. My eyes widened when I saw him standing there—the man who had been breaking my world into pieces seven years ago. He was frozen when he looked at me.

It was like the time had frozen around us.

It was like everything around us was just an old black and white movie which moved slowly. All we could do was just looking at each other. Now I hoped that I could actually say something but I could not tear my eyes away from him.

There he was standing, a dark haired handsome Japanese man. He wore black suits, almost similar with the one Mine wore. He had not changed since the last time I met him seven years ago. No, he looked tired. There were faint black circles around his eyes and he looked thin.

I wondered whether he still smelled same.

I was about to let my legs moved to get closer to him and sniffed him when suddenly something hit my legs. Hard.

The thing hugged my thigh tightly, forced me to look away from the man in front of me.

I narrowed my eyes.

A boy was hugging my leg.

The man followed my gaze to the boy who hugged me tightly. His narrow eyes widened in shock when the boy loosened his hug a bit to tilt his head and look at me with teary eyes. No, what shocked him was the word that the boy used to call me.

"Mommy…"

-

**Author's Note:**

**Hey, It seemed that they cancel the schedule for this week end and I have off days until Monday~ I decided to update this story faster because I want to use my precious week ends to relax. Still, next week I would have another works to do but I wish I could update this faster (Before the mood left me.) **

**My brother helps me alot for this chapter. Some things are still unclear in this chapter. Yes, it would be slowly revealed. I hope you are patient enough to follow my plotline because actually it would be rather complicated. :) I give many hints in my story, If you could analyze about what happened or why Nodame and Chiaki break up, I would write a special story for you! Let's say this is a little quiz from me... If I think your analysis seemed close to my plot, I would dedicated some special story for you...**

**Thanks for readers and reviewers. I could not reply now, but hey, I would reply it later I hope. **

**As always, if you wanna talk go to my profile, I have some links there where you could find me.**

**love.**

**Recchinon  
**


	3. Chapter 2 part 1 When they meet again

Disclaimer: Standard applied

Seven Years

Chapter 2 (part one)—Shinichi—

i. She had been changed.

Her hair, soft auburn, was longer now, touching her shoulder. Her eyes, light brown, were still sparkling like before but now, I could see some maturity in her eyes. Her lips were colored with soft pink, still pouting occasionally, but when she smiled I saw something else, it was just her lips. When she smiled, her eyes did not smile. Something, there was something about her had been changed. She was not the same woman he had known seven years ago.

She smiled at me, but that was not the smile I used to see. That was not her smile. No, that was not the kind of expression I had expected.

I expected anger.

I expected tears.

I expected slaps.

Or at least I had expected a "Gyabooo!!! Senpai idiot! Why never called Nodame for these past seven years?!"

But no. She just stood there, with Mine stood by her side and a kid hugged her leg. She treated me casually, she did not slap me. She did not cry, she did not run to hug me, she just stood there so unlikely her and gave me that smile. That fake smile.

The kid, his dark hair and eyes, looked familiar to me.

I was about to ask, but the way she looked at me forbid me to say anything.

_Respect this funeral._

That was what her eyes told me.

I could not believe it, she actually told me to do something decent. She, of all people, talked about decency. I was too shocked that I almost did not realize how old had Stresseman been when I saw him for the last time before he got cremated. I was distracted, so that my eyes could not focus when I looked into the body inside the coffin, to recognize how thin this old man had become. To recognize the smile on his lips, like telling the world that he was happy to finally leave this world and join his love.

She distracted me.

I tried to talk to her after the funeral, I approached with all the brave I had. I wanted to at least know how she had been. I wanted to know about her…. Hands.

"Nodame," my voice was higher than usual, I was nervous.

She looked at me with her honey eyes. Her eyes were big. Too big for her face, but suit her best. She looked at me and I lost the words I was going to say. Only one look from her and I felt like my legs turned into jelly. She still had that effect to me.

It took several minutes when finally I found the words to break the silence between us, "How are you?"

"I am okay."

It hurt that she did not take as much time to say it.

"How are you, Senpai?"

"I am fine."

I lied.

"Good."

Awkward silence again. I massaged the back of my neck nervously. I did not know what else to say. Well, there were too much thing to say and I just did not know how to start it. My tongue, suddenly made from stone.

"Nodame!"

We both looked to the man who called him.

Mine stood few meters from us. The kids in his arms was hugging his neck, he was sleeping I assumed. The kid was looked extremely familiar to me. I needed to ask. I wanted to ask—but no such a lucky for me. No, after what had happened seven years ago, my lucky star had been faded away.

"Does he sleep?" She walked away from me toward Mine and the boy.

He nodded, "Shall we go home."

_We?_

She nodded.

I tightened my jaw.

We hadn't finished our talk.

No, I hadn't finished my talk.

Hell, I hadn't even started the talk.

She bowed to me once.

"Nice to see you again Senpai."

She lied.

"Bye."

And she went away.

I should have stopped them but I did not.

.

ii. I could not sleep.

I reached my hotel room around eight. The funeral had been finished around four but many people, mostly are musicians or from music magazines, approached me, told me their deepest condolence to me. I actually wanted to talk to Elise, I needed to know what had happened during these past seven years, but those people would not let me go.

I closed my eyes, hands behind my head as I laid on my bed.

During the funeral, there were so many people. I heard so many things. Many things that I did not hear when I was in Paris. Like, Mine and Nodame were dating.

Mine and… Nodame.

What kind of joke was that?

It was not even funny. They could not be together! Mine had always been crazy about Kiyora, and Nodame… She loved me!

Well, Kiyora and Mine had been divorced few years ago and now, Nodame and me were not together anymore… but… still!

I opened my eyes slowly.

I was tired and I need to sleep but I could not.

It had been seven years. God was it long time.

I still could remember what had happened that day… The day when I decided to leave her, no, the day when I decided to push her away from my life.

"_It was not your fault."_

"_No, it is mine."_

"_Senpai…"_

"_It was all my fault."_

_She put her hand on my shoulder and hugged my head. I hugged her waist back and buried my face on her stomach. She was not angry. She did not blame me. She did not feel sorry. But still, I still felt guilty. It was all, my fault._

"_Senpai… Nodame is okay! Nodame is alive!"_

"_I know."_

"_Nodame could always be a kindergarten teacher."_

"_Nodame…"_

"_Nodame could still achieve her dream."_

_No._

_Your dream was to have a concerto with me, the golden pairing. And I ruined it._

_It was my entire fault._

I could not sleep.

She invaded my head.

She and the kid.

"_Mommy!"_

His voice was high and childish.

How old was he?

He could not be less than five years old. I could still remember his face. The kid was look nothing like her. His jet black hair. His black eyes. His nose. He was… miniature of me.

Yes. He looked exactly like me.

I sat up.

It was impossible for me to sleep tonight.

----

Author's note

I split chapter 2 into two parts. I have to do this because chapter 2 will be using Chiaki and Nodame's POV. This update is short, I am so sorry but I hope you still read this and nicely review it if you like it. I was disappointed with this chapter (part one and two) so I revised it again and again and I haven't finished the chapter 2 part 2. I will upload it soon. Like in two or three days…

Thank you.

Recchinon.


	4. Chapter 2 part 2 She says nothing

Disclaimer: Standard applied

Seven Years

Chapter 2 (part two)—Nodame—

i. He had not changed.

He was still like the last time I remembered him. He was tall and handsome. His hair was still the same like seven years ago. Gyabooo… He should change his hair style at least once! What was he thinking? He was a famous person, people would judge his look. Well, he still handsome no matter how messy his hair was… ah but that was not the point! I should not ogle at him right now. This was serious.

He was just that mesmerizing.

He looked at me with those black shiny orbs.

Seven years did not make him looked older. That was not fair. I fought the urge to pout. It was impossible, he must be not a human, and even I got looking older.

He still had that effect to me.

He still could summon the butterflies from nowhere and made them dancing in my stomach. I supposed to get mad to him. I supposed to get angry. I supposed to get upset. But noooo what I'd done was just standing there to stare at him. He, definitely, had not changed.

.

ii. Being around him was not good for my heart.

"You looked distracted."

I did not look at the man who sat next to me while driving his car. I just looked outside of the window, staring at random walking people. He could read me, yes, but that did not mean that I would let him know what I felt right now. He would give me a loooong lecture about it. I always hated lectures.

"Is it about him?"

Why would people keep asking something obvious?

That was one thing I would never understand about human.

He sighed, did not wait for my answer—he knew I would give him none anyway besides he already knew the answer, "You would talk to him."

"I have."

"No, you haven't"

I frowned. Mine was an idiot but sometime he could be a smartass too. I hate him when he was acting smart like this. He was better as an idiot.

"Nodame, there's a lot of thing needs to be sorted off."

"Yes, I knew that." I still looked outside the window.

I knew. I knew that eventually I had to talk to him. That I had to tell him, to explain to him. I wanted to but I could not. Not now. Not after all of this. Not after he rejected me seven years ago. It was just too hurtful, even for me. I was not weak, but I was not that strong. He would do something if I told him, he would do anything. But that was not what I want. I did not want him to do anything for me, for us, just because he had to.

Enough.

All of this made my head hurt.

"He has to know."

I nodded, even though I was not sure Mine would see it.

"Yeah."

.

iii. I watched him playing the piano.

His little fingers were playing the cheerful tone of twinkle-twinkle little stars. He could play other difficult song but he was just in the mood of simple cheerful song for now. He pouted, his eyes were not on the sheets. I smiled, this little man might look like him and acted like him sometime but when he played piano I could see myself on him.

"Jaaaaaan~!" he ended the song excellently.

I clapped my hands happily, "Bravo! Bravo!"

He gave me a wide toothy smile before he jumped off the seat and ran toward me. He jumped onto my laps and hugged me like a spoiled little boy he was.

"How was it?"

"Very good!"

He flashed me another smile, "Do you think Milch would like it?"

I nodded, "Yes he would!"

I was relieved, yesterday after we came back from the funeral he looked better. He did not cry anymore and now he could accept the fact that people would die and Milch had been happy now in heaven with pretty angels around him. This kid was just simply amazing.

"Mommy…" he asked me.

"Yap?"

"Play piano with me!"

I frowned. Today was a national holiday, we did not have to go to the kindergarten so I promised him that I would play with him the whole day. I loved to play piano with him, but sometimes he was just too fast and I could not follow him.

"Pleeeeaaaaase?"

He looked at me with his angelic face.

Tell me how to say no to a miniature of a man you love.

I sighed, "Fine, just don't play it too fast."

"Yay!"

The little man jumped off and ran toward the piano. It was not an expensive one, just an old piano I bought six years ago. The sound of the piano was not really good but acceptable. Sometime I missed those times when I could play my favorite song using an expensive grand piano.

He was a really smart kid. He could play any complicated song just by hearing it once. He was not good at sight reading but what could I say? Like mother like son.

We played Mozart and Bach. He loved Mozart. He changed the key, he messed the tempo, and he was sloppy but he was my son, so if someone had to be blamed for how he played, that was me. Not that anyone would really blame me.

I enjoyed the songs we played but on the third song I slipped out.

"Ah."

I pulled my right hand to my chest. It burnt. My wrist was so hurt. I curled on the seat pressed the wrist to my chest and using my other hand to clench on it, tried to stop the pain. I felt the tears on my cheeks. This was too much.

"Mommy!" I heard his panic voice "Mommy, are you okay?"

I hissed, "Mommy's ok…" I loosened my grip. The pain was fading away. The part where I clenched on tight before was starting to throb.

"I am sorry Mommy!"

My angel was crying.

"Mommy's fine, Shinji… Mommy's fine…"

"It's my fault!"

I sighed. He hugged me and started to cry. I patted his back. No this was not your fault.

"_This is my fault."_

"_No, senpai… This is not!"_

"_Yes it is."_

I smiled weakly. Well, like what people said, like father like son.

----

Author's note:

Yes this is the part two. What? Do you think I am such in a rush? Have I revealed all the secrets? No baby, no… Seven years is a long time, many things happened between Nodame and Chiaki and well, I would reveal it one by one… baby step, but not too slow.

Hope you like it. (Haven't proof read it, forgive me for some mistake ok.)

And btw, shinji names is written by kanji shin: Believe and ji: Path.


	5. Chapter 3 how she makes he feels

Disclaimer: Standard applied, lyric: "You make me feel , Westlife"

Seven Years

Chapter 3—Chiaki—

Dedicated for Yokoyama You

Aku cinta kamu. Terima kasih telah menjadi inspirasiku selama ini. : ) *malu*

i. We hugged each other.

She was so close.

Too close. I could feel her warm breath on my neck. She wrapped her hands around me. Our feet were entangled in such a complicated twist. Maybe it was just my imagination but I could swear I could hear her heartbeats. Or was it mine?

I did not care, just feeling her skin touched mine and held her close to me… I just want one more minutes like this. Just her and me.

ii. "Do you love me?"

She drew something with her index finger on my naked chest.

I cracked my eyes open lazily. I was sleepy and tired. Tonight, our love making was outstanding, like usual, and now as much as I wanted to have a nice pillow chat with her, I was ready to sleep. After all I had a meeting in the morning. I needed some sleep.

"Hmm…"

"Senpai…" She poked my cheeked.

"Uhm… I am sleepy Nodame…"

She sighed, "Well… good night Shinichi…"

She pecked on my lips and snuggled to get closer.

I hugged her tighter, "Good night…. Megumi."

If only I knew that was the last chance for me to tell her about my feeling. I would say it. No matter how tired I was. No matter I sleepy I was. If only I knew, I would scream to the world those three words. If only I knew that I would never had another chance to say it…

iii. I was overslept.

It was around lunch when finally I woke up in my hotel room. Alone, of course, and still tired. I groaned as I tried to sit up. I felt some pain on my back bone—maybe because I sat for hours during my flight from Paris to Tokyo.

I massaged my temples.

I dreamt a bad dream last night.

Was it really a bad dream?

I blinked twice.

Nodame…

I needed to see her.

I groaned once more before then forced myself to get up from the fluffy bed to take a cold shower. I needed to meet her. I needed to talk to her. All the things during this last seven years needed to be solved. I did not want to wait. I had wait for seven years and I could not postpone it any longer—not after I saw the kid.

She had to tell me.

--

_i. "I've been trying to reach you_

_Coz I've got something to say_

_But you're talking about,_

_Just nothing at all_

_And you're slipping away"_

I rented a car from the hotel. A Japanese car, it had been a long time since the last time I drove a Japanese car. I sighed. Thanks God I still remember the road in Tokyo. I drove slowly, more than seven years using European car made me nervous when I had to use Japanese car.

I licked my lips nervously as I stopped. I tapped my finger on the steer wheel as I waited for the traffic lamp to turn green.

I did not know where I should find her. I did not know where she lived right now. I did not even know her phone number. It had been seven years, and now I was clueless.

Last time she tried to call me was spring six years ago. Seven months after she had gone back to Japan. I had a performance that night and she knew it. She called me right after the performance, I did not know how she knew about it, but I tell my assistant that I was busy.

Right after that I changed my mobile phone and moved to a new apartment.

She never tried to call me again.

May be she did but it never reached me.

There were some emails but I did not even dare to open it.

I could not.

Last time I tried to call her was Christmas five years ago.

I was drunk and before I realized I already call her.

She had changed her mobile.

I should know it. She would not wait forever.

_ii. "We were crying together_

_It was a long time ago_

_Before you walk out the door and leave me this way"_

The light turned green and I hit on the gas pedal slowly.

I had only one place to go. Uraken. I hated it, but the only clue that I had for now was that Nodame and Mine were together. I could not believe it. No I refused to believe it. But I had no other choice, Mine and his father must know where was Nodame living. The might refuse to tell me but it was okay. I'd make them tell me.

It was my fault.

Everything had been my fault.

Ever since I met him, only good things happened to me. All the good things happened to me because of her. It scared me sometimes, that if she left me I would lose all the magic. That if she went away, I would lose everything.

That was why I had never wanted her to leave me.

But seven years ago, I realized something.

Ever since she met me, only bad things happened to her. She had to be taught by the most feared lecturer, she had to leave her homeland,… she had to lose her dream. All because of me, if I did not drag her to France all of this would not happen. This. All of this was because my selfishness.

I was not ready to lose all the good things.

I made her lost hers.

But I was selfish.

Now after all of this time, I wanted her back.

--

_iii. "Just hear what I say…"_

I parked the car not too far from the Chinese restaurant. I walked tentatively. I did not know what I should say. How if it was true? How if Nodame and Mine had been really together? How if she did not want to see me?

I sighed.

First thing first.

First I have to meet her.

"Welco-,"

The man widened his eyes when he saw me walked into his restaurant. The friendly expression he had on his face before was gone right after he saw my face.

I walked into the restaurant, the lunch time had been over so the restaurant was empty.

"Good afternoon, Mine-san…"

"Chiaki…" the man stuttered, "Ah, you came for the funeral?"

I nodded.

"Mine-san, I need your help…"

"You wanted to meet Megumi-chan?"

I nodded again, "Could you…" I pleaded, "Could you tell me where she is?"

The old man—he looked older than the last time I saw him—let out a heavy sigh, I knew why.

"Chiaki-kun, I knew that you are a really good friend of my son, you have helped my idiot son a lot of times," the old man looked into my eyes, he scowled, "But Megumi-chan has been like my own daughter… I have heard of what happened…"

"I need to see her…" I frowned, "I need to talk about something."

" She does not want to see you."

I turned around and see Mine stood by the door. He leaned to the door frame and crossed his arms in front of his chest. I swallowed. Mine was scowling deeply when he looked into my eyes. He was not as friendly as usual.

And I knew why.

"Mine…" I gritted my teeth, I wanted to be nice, but soon after the thought of he and Nodame were being together, suddenly I felt angry, "Take me to her."

"Why? So you could hurt her again?"

I did not answer that.

He did not understand, he did not need to understand, for now I just need to meet her and made sure of everything. I needed to know about what had happened, she needed to know about what had happened.

"I needed to talk to her."

Mine looked at me with narrow eyes.

He sighed.

"Don't force yourself to her." Finnally he said, "Just a talk, no funny business."

I growled. Who the hell he thought he was to tell me what to do? But I decided that I needed his help so I just nodded.

I just need to meet her and made sure of everything.

--

_iv. "You make me feel_

_You make me real_

_For the rest of my day in so many ways_

_You make me feel"_

"I thought you had get over her."

"It is none of your business."

"It is."

I close my mouth tightly.

This man had changed. The old Mine would not talk in such a rude tone to me. I looked outside the window as he drove the car to some place where Nodame lived.

Soon, I would meet her again.

Soon, I would make it sure that who I saw yesterday was really sure.

Soon, I would touch her.

I closed my eyes.

How I wanted to hold her close to me.

But I could not.

Mine did not say anything else, and I thanked him silently for that. I was not in the mood of a chit chat for now.

Seven years were too long, I wondered how I could survive these years without her. Sure, I had music. I had my jobs and I love it. But my life was just black and white without her. Afterall, it was her who taught me the color of music.

She showed me pink from Mozart…

White from Choppin…

Rainbow from her piano…

…and I was the one who destroyed that rainbow.

And we stopped in front of a small apartment.

--

_v. "I've been trying to leave you"_

I could hear some piano playing from the building. Nodame? And… who?

I turned at Mine who looked at the building with a worry face.

"They do it again…"

--

_vi. "Why should we go on like this?"_

"Who?"

This was definitely Nodame's piano.

But how could she play piano with this tempo? I thought… her hand…

And who was playing the first part?

--

_vi. "But my heart can't breath_

_When I hear you say_

"_It's better this way".."_

"Second floor, room 4"

Mine told me he would not go with me.

I frowned. This was a cheap apartment. I could not believe it, did she really live here?

Someone clenched on my heart.

She left in such a place like this and I did not know it.

The sound of the piano stopped. I frowned, they had not finished the song. Why would they stop? They had not made any mistake?

Nodame's room was on the second floor, I quickened my pace.

--

_vii. "You make me feel_

_You make me real_

_For the rest of my days, in so many ways…_

…_You make me feel"_

I heard a kid was crying behind the door.

Without thinking any further, I opened the door.

There they were.

She sat in front of the piano with the kid sat on the floor near her feet. Her back faced me but I knew she was pressing her hand to her chest. I could not see her face but I knew she was in pain. The kid was sobbing and clenched on her skirt.

"I am sorry Mommy!"

The kid, looked like my self portrait, cried.

"Mommy's fine, Shinji… Mommy's fine…"

She clenched her teeth but she tried to sound okay.

"It's my fault!"

The kid was panic.

The kid…

…was mine.

I had no doubt now.

--

_Viii "The thousand light years away from you_

_Keep thinking maybe it's time to let go…"_

I swallowed.

My throat were suddenly dry.

"Nodame…" I called her.

It took three seconds before she turned around and looked at me with wide eyes.

"…Senpai?"

_--- _

"_But by the end of the day, I still want to say "do you?"…"_

----

**Author's note:**

I am so sorry. I am in a distracted mood when I write this. I am in a really emotional stage. : ( I hate to admit it but I am a kind of author whose writing would be affected by her current mood. : ( Works and studies and love life are just such a mood crusher! Grrrr…

Oh btw, I would cosplay as Nodame next month… I hope I could finish the costume soon but if I cannot finish it, I guess I would just cosplay as L or other simple characters…. (Nodame is quite simple but actually I wanna be the mongoose lol)

Finally… thanks for all reviewers and readers! Honestly, people from this fandom are the best!!!!! I love other fandoms too but Nodame Cantabile's fans are the warmest and nicest fans! I salute all of you… People from other fandoms are competing each other and bashing other characters but here people share love not hate!

Oh God am I love you all!

PS.

In case you're wondering, yes, I am a BIG fan of Westlife :)

PS.S

If you like it, review it, please?


	6. Chapter 4 do we have to talk?

Disclaimer: Standard applied.

Seven Years

---I haven't proofread it. I haven't edit it. I don't have BETA for this story, anyone want to be my BETA?---

Chapter 4—Nodame—

Dedicated for all of my readers out there

i. It would be okay.

That was what the doctor told us. I did not really listen to what she said, I knew my body better than her. I knew that I was not okay. I could not play piano like I did before, there was no way that was okay. I bit my upper lip, Shinji was in Mine's place, he was still scared when we left him there, I hope that Mine-san could cook something that would cheer the boy up again.

Maybe the infamous Chinese fried rice would cheer him up again. I knew he always loved the Uraken's special fried rice. He would always smile widely after ate the fried rice. The fried rice and the soup, his favorite…

I felt something growled in my stomach.

Uh oh the little monster had woken up.

I am hungry.

I sighed. I took a look at the man who sat next to me. He was listening to the doctor explanation with such a serious face and sometime he would nodded and talk back with some worry thick in his voice. He was frowning and still he looked so handsome.

He smelled so good too.

"Ok, thank you very much, doctor…"

He stood up and shook the doctor hand, I followed him to stand up and bowed my head to the female doctor. She smiled at me.

"Take care, Chiaki-san, do not force yourself too hard…"

I gulped.

When was the last time I heard people called me like that?

I just nodded and followed the man to walk out of the room.

ii. He did not say anything.

No one of us said anything as we drove back to Uraken where we left Shinji with Mine and his father. He closed his mouth tightly, frowning and did not look at me. If only I could read what was in his mind. But, I could guess what he was thinking about.

I sighed.

"You heard that, I am okay."

He looked at me, his face was still the same like when he found me two hours ago. I did not have any idea what he was doing there. His face was paler than mine, I knew he was so panic to see me there. Actually I did not feel the pain anymore as I saw his face. What I thought at the moment was just 'what is he doing here?'.

"Why are you forcing yourself to play piano?"

I sighed, "I never stop playing piano…" I gulped, "Even since seven years ago… I was just careless today."

"It could be fatal! It could hurt you permanently!" he looked at me for three seconds before then looked back to the road, "I can't believe it. You have to treasure your body more…."

"You just worry too much." I looked outside the window, it felt weird, we hadn't talked for about seven years and here now we talked like there was nothing happened, "I am fine, I played piano everyday for the kids and nothing's happened."

I could hear he gritted his teeth.

I waited for him to say something but he did not.

I continued to stare outside the window. Suddenly the lampposts looked so attractive to me.

iii. This was not the way to Uraken.

I narrowed my eyes. I knew this road but we are heading to the opposite direction from Uraken. I looked at the handsome driver. We had not talked anything since fifteen minutes ago. He looked like he lost in his thought. He did not forget where Uraken was, did he?

"This is not the right way."

"It is."

I scowled, "No, Uraken is not this way."

"Who said that we'll go to Uraken?"

I gasped, "Mukyaaa, where are you taking me?" I looked at him questioningly.

"I need to talk."

I looked at the left side of his handsome face as he concentrated to drive the car without looked back at me. I swallowed. I knew I could not avoid the conversation this time. We have to talk.

iv. _Nantoka naru sa… [*]_

I wonder whether he knew that I was staving or that he was hungry himself, but whichever I felt grateful that he took me to some family restaurant. He, as usual, ordered some clubhouse sandwich and black coffee. I ordered curry and ice lemon tea. I hope he would pay for it, I did not bring my wallet with me. It was his fault anyway, he dragged me to see the doctor, gave me no time to grab my purse.

He finished his sandwiches before me.

I ate my curry slowly. I tried to take as much time as I could. But as he tapped his fingers on the table, I knew he knew that I did it to avoid the talk. He would wait. I planned to make him bored waiting for me and forgot about the talk, but no such a luck.

I could not avoid it.

We had to talk and we would talk.

I decided then to finish my food quicker. I had to option now, I had to face it. I had decided now, that I had to do this, I would do it fast. I would finished this talk quick—like ripping a bandage, do it quick so it would be hurt less.

I put the spoon on the now empty plates.

_Well, I am ready, Shinichi Chiaki…_

…_bring it on._

"Well, you said you want to talk about something…"

v. I did avoid the talk, he should have known why.

Because I did not like what was it about.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Good."

"And you?"

"I am fine too…"

"Oh, good."

We started the talk awkwardly.

I studied his facial expression. He was scowling, we did that a lot in front each other lately, his lips were a thin line—he parted his lips few times to say something but then nothing came out. He clenched his hands on the table.

I almost laughed.

How ironic.

The last time I saw him like this was almost eight years ago.

When he proposed me.

And I knew, now how ironic that I could see his expression like this again when he wanted to talk about the divorce.

-----

_*Nantoka naru sa… = Que Sera Sera _

----

**Author's note:**

I am pissed off.

Really, I pissed off. Please, use proper word when you PM and/or review me.

I have midterm exam these last two weeks. And also I have to be the person in charge for a student exchange program in my Faculty. I am busy. I really am sorry but I do have life out there and I am busy so that I cannot update my stories. That, and when I get free time, I do want to relax and have fun with my friends too. Sorry it that was egoist.

I am sorry for keep you waiting but if it makes you feel better, I haven't updated my other stories too, I do not abandon just this story, hey I do not even abandon this! I update it! I just need time. I want to give you my best shot and so I take much time before post a chapter, I want to make the story makes sense and all! You want me update fast, and when I do, complaining about the grammar. I know my grammar is not that good that is why I keep saying I need a BETA! But no! I don't have any beta reader darling, so I am so sorry, I am not an English native speaker!

Thanks a lot for the reviews and for reading this.

I appreciate it.

: ) Sorry if I scare you. I am just a kind of person who'd say what's in their mind.

Well then see you next chapter.

XO.

Recchinon.


	7. Chapter 5 the talk goes wrong

**Disclaimer: Standard applied.**

**Seven Years**

**---I haven't proofread it. I haven't edit---**

**Chapter 5—Chiaki—**

Dedicated for the readers.

i. I did not know how to start it.

She looked at me with her doe eyes. Her honey orbs looked into mine, ready for everything I was going to say. Or ask, in this case. Funnily, after all of this time, now it was my turn to feel not ready to start this conversation.

First, I did not know how to start this.

Second, I was afraid to her answer.

Third, there was no third, I was just too nervous to start it.

_Damn._

ii. "He was not your son."

I swore my heart stopped beating right there.

She looked at her ice lemon tea. She used the straw to play with it. She did not look at me. She lied. Yes I knew her. Whenever she did not look into my eyes, it meant she did not tell the truth. She was lying. She'd better be lying.

_You lie._

I could not say it. My throat was dry. I opened my mouth but why is it so hard just to say those words?

_You are lying, Nodame._

I knew she was.

I gulped. It has harder than what I thought but finally I managed to find my lost voice.

"He is mine."

"Biologically, yes." She rose her head, she looked at me—finally—but the look in her eyes was not what I expected from her. What was it, hatred? "But in fact he is not. He is mine. Not yours. You had abandoned him for these last seven years, he is not yours."

She stabbed me with the dagger of her words again and again.

So I was right. He was mine.

My son.

iii. "It was because you never told me!"

I did not plan to raise my voice.

She looked at me. She stopped playing with the drink. She looked at me but she did not say anything. I could not read her expression, and that made me more frustrated. I wait her to say something but she did not say anything.

I sighed.

This was too hard.

"How could you do this to me?" I pressed my hands to my temples in frustration, I closed my eyes this was almost too much for me. All of this was more than enough to get me aneurysm of heart attack, "This is something serious, Nodame! A son! Goodness! I never knew that I had a son until yesterday! How could you hide this from me? I am his father! You know how much I want a son."

"I had tried."

I opened my eyes.

She was not lying.

She looked into my eyes so she was not lying.

"I had tried to tell you." She said again. Once again, I wished I could read her expression. Or even better, read her mind, "I had tried to call you. I tried to call you hundredth… no, thousandth times…" She frowned, "You just did not have time to answer it." She played with her lemon tea again, "I called you few hours before I gave birth. But you rejected it. I tried again the next day but you had changed your mobile number."

She smiled tiredly.

"You know what, after all of that I still believe in you."

I could not say anything.

iv. She got it wrong.

She did not understand.

I had my own reason…

"I was naïve, _senpai…" _she said mockingly, she chuckled darkly and looked into my eyes. I did not know who the woman in front of me was now, she was not the girl I knew once, "I still believe in you. I told myself, you were just busy. I told myself that you would eventually come to Japan to see me, and _our _son. I wait for you for years! But guess what I saw on the TV two years after that?"

v. I hated to hear it.

"You were engaged to Son Rui."

vi. _I am a bastard._

I closed my eyes.

"You had not even divorced me yet."

She smiled.

This time, I hated to admit it, I could read her expression. It was a sad smile.

"Then I realized it, I never really exist in your world."

"That's not it!" Finally I found my voice.

She did not say anything. Her eyes were like telling me to continue anything I wanted to say. I took a deep breath. I did not know how to say it. I had to explain it but I did not know how. I did not want to hurt her. At least, I did not want to hurt her more that what I had done to her.

I sighed, "If only I knew you were pregnant…"

"And how it would change nothing?"

Seven years had changed her a lot. Now she could debate me like this. Now she could say those poisonous words to me. And sadly, it was not only the seven years gap that changed her. It was what I had done to her. It was me.

"Nodame, I would never let you go if I knew you were pregnant!" I was beyond frustrated at the time. I was ready to blast. I wanted to make her understand but she just would not get my point. I just could not tell her my point.

It was like we were walking on a circle.

vii. "I want you back."

I knew how egoist it sounded.

"You have Rui."

I gulped.

"It is not the problem now, Nodame…" I hissed, "Think about the kid. He needs a father, Nodame! You could not raise him alone!"

"I raise him alone for this past seven years and we're ok."

I did not mean it but I raise my voice again, "God damn it, Nodame! I have missed seven years of his life and I don't want to miss the next years of his life! You can't be egoist! He is my son too, Nodame!"

viii. "So it was the kid and was not me."

She smiled.

I blinked.

I did not know how she could think that way.

Had I said it in the wrong way?

Had I used wrong words?

_Shit._

"It was never about me, Senpai…" she clasped her hands together, "It was my piano playing or it was my kid. It was never about me…"

ix. It was wrong.

Very wrong.

"First, it was because of my piano playing… That was the reason why you kept me around you…" she spat it, "Then when I could not play piano anymore, you did not need me around and pushed me away from your life. Now is my son…"

She was wrong.

But I could not deny it.

…

So after all, she might be right…

x. "I want a divorce."

It was a miracle that I could just sit there without getting any heart attack or aneurysm. Or maybe, it was because I did not think that it was real. A divorce. After all of these years, I did not know why but that word never once came into my mind. That forbidden word.

A divorce.

The one that had my mom's life unhappy.

She had to be kidding.

"Our marriage is a secret. But it is legal…" She sighed, she looked really tired, I could not blame her. I actually also felt really tired now, "I hate to say it but despite the fact that you had abandoned him—" I scowled "—for these last seven years, you have right about him. But I don't care… We could settle it in the court…"

"Nodame…"

"It's the best way, isn't it?"

I looked at her with a deep frown on my face.

"To marry Rui you have to legally divorce me first…"

I felt dizzy all of sudden.

----

TBC

----

**Author's note:**

I am really sick when I write this story. I lost my voice and I cannot eat anything without throw it up later. Maybe I just feel homesick. Maybe I just miss my family so much. :( I know it is silly that I am already 21 years old and I supposed to be used living alone far from my family but well, I do miss them. I started to live alone since 4 years ago and the last time I saw my parents was a year ago… :( I hope I could see them again this year. :( I am sorry for talking about non sense :) I just feel gloomy so sorry if it affected this chapter. I have done my best :)

PS.

The author's note in last chapter is because I get PMs from some users saying bad things that made me upset (read: furious). I did not get mad at any of you. I suspicious that these 3 users that sent me PMs are one person using 3 accounts because what they used same words. :P Sorry haters, you can't bring me down that easily.

XO

Recchinon


	8. Chapter 6 after the talk side effects

**Disclaimer: Standard applied.**

**Seven Years**

**-I haven't proofread it. I haven't edit-**

**Chapter 6—Nodame—**

Dedicated for err… him.

i. I had said it.

It surprised me that it was actually was not as hard as what I thought. Sure, it hurt but yet I could say it.

It had been years. It had been seven years and it was not a short time. It has been such a long time since the last time we had a serious talk like this. I had to control my emotion. I had to stop myself before throwing myself to him and hugged him tightly. I wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to cry on his chest, to blame him for abandoning me and Shinji for these past seven years. I wanted to tell him that I need him.

But I could not.

Seven years had changed him. Seven years had changed us.

I could not do that no matter how I wanted to do it. Right now, I had no right to do that. He belonged to someone else now.

Rui.

ii. "He was not your son."

I had lied.

I knew he knew that I was lying. He was not that stupid. Ah, No, Shinichi Chiaki was never stupid. He was smart and perfect, I was the idiot one.

I lied to him.

The way he looked at me like telling me that he knew I was lying. But I did not care.

I had decided to raise Shinji alone. I could not see any reason why would I need his help to raise my son after all of these years I had struggled to raise him. Shinji had grown up well without him. He did not need a father.

_You lie._

I pressed a hand to my face.

Yes, I lied.

"_He is mine."_

When he said so I did not know why but somehow deep inside my heart I feel happy.

Maybe, deep inside my heart I still wanted him to be Shinji's father.

iii. _"We will talk about it again later."_

When he stopped in front of my apartment he did not look at me. I paused for a moment. I wait for him to say something else but he did not. When I opened the door and walked out of the car, he still did not look at me. I stole a glance over my shoulder to look at his expression.

His hands were clenching on the steer wheel. I could not see his face but I knew he was lost in his thought at the moment.

_We will talk about it again later._

Somehow it did not sound good.

Talk about it later. It meant I had to see him again. It meant I had to lie again. It meant I have to put this facade again. It meant...

...I had to pretend that I did not love him anymore again.

I did not want to talk about it again...

iv. "Mommy, are you ok?"

I was startled by small hands on my cheeks. When I realized it, my son had been in front of me, touching my cheeks. He looked at me with his big dark eyes. His eyes were unique. The color could change depended on the light. He looked worry. My son. His son.

Our son.

I swallowed.

It was dinner time and here I was still sat on the couch, hadn't even gotten changed after I met him earlier. I was occupied by my thought, I should have known it would make my son worried.

"Mommy, does your hand hurt again?" He frowned.

I smiled, he looked exactly like his father.

I shook my head, both to tell him I was fine and to shove the thought away. Shinji was my son. Only mine.

I would not let anyone take him away from him.

I smiled as wide as I could, "Hey, aren't you hungry? It's dinner time!" I said cheerfully while lifted him and put him on my lap.

I touched my nose to his little nose, "Aren't you hungry?" I asked him again.

He nodded.

I pecked his cheek, "Ok, Mommy will cook for you then!"

He pouted, "Uh, can't we just order pizza Mommy?"

I immitated his pout, "Uh, why? Mommy would make you your favorite onigiri!"

He sighed, "It is not my favorite, it is the only thing that mommy could cook.."

I pretended not to hear that.

"Come on, help Mommy in the kitchen!"

v. I knew that Shinji knew that something happened.

I looked at his sleeping face.

My son..

My angel...

I wiped the hair on her forehead to take a look better on his face.

I could not deny it. He was not only my son. He was also his son. No matter how many years had passed away, I could not fight the fact that he was his son too. He had his face. His smile. His blood. He was his son.

I sighed.

I knew Chiaki would want him.

He would divorce me and take him away from me.

My only treasure...

vi. _"I want you back."._

He did tell me that, but I could not believe it. He wanted Shinji. He wanted his son. He did not want me. Why would he? He had Son Rui. Why would he want me? I could not even play piano anymore. He loved my music and I had lost my music.

Now he said he wants me back.

No. He wanted his son back.

He did not want me.

If he did want me he would not abandon me for all of this years.

Seven years.

He had moved on and now he had Rui. Why would he want me? Rui had everything I did not have. Besides, they looked good together. I knew it, since the beginning, the first time I saw then on the same stage, I had known it. He would be better with someone like her. Someone like Son Rui.

And these past seven years proved me that I was right, he did not need me.

vii. _"I want you back."_

I closed my eyes.

Yeah of course.

I had his son.. Yeah his son...

I opened my eyes slowly, actually, this was the chance. I could use Shinji as my way back to him. I loved him still.. Not only as the father of my son, I hated to admit it but I wanted him back. I could use Shinji as the ticket to win him back.

But no.

That was unfair.

He had Son Rui now..

I could not ruin their relationship only for my own satisfaction. I could not use Shinji like that.

Sometimes I thought seven years had changed me so much. I was much weaker and stronger at the same time. I knew it was impossible to be weak and strong at the same time but I was.

x. I kissed his forehead gently.

I moved gently, tried not to wake him up.

I put the blanket around him to keep him warm and slowly left the bed.

I walked to the kitchen with a dizzy head.

This and that.

So many things in my head. Maybe, just maybe, if I could run away. I would run away.

Yeah..

Runaway sounds good.

x. _"I want a divorce."_

I opened the freezer and took a can of beer.

I did not drink. Well, until five years ago.

I drank now. Especially when I was under stress. I did not tell Mine, he thought I had quit. I did not drink everyday, beers are quite expensive and I did not have much money to afford that.

I snorted.

I told him I wanted a divorce.

Now that I thought about it again, I was scared.

If he really agreed to get a divorce then I would lose the only thing I had with him besides our son.

It made me even dizzier.

Shit.

I had not even drunk my beer and I got hangover already.

TBC

**Author's note:**

I am really sorry that I am really late in updating this fic. Honestly, it is hard to write this chapter... First my netbook was breaking down, then someone close to me just passed away, and also my personal problem... ewww... i am really sorry... I know this chapter is not really good but i hope you dont mind to read it... I will revise it if i had time, ok...

Oh I cannot reply the reviewers yet, but thanks verymuch! So many reviews and favorites+alerts... I will do my best not to disappoint u...

:)Sorry about grammar, ignore it, i accept Concrit about anything but the grammars... Thanks.

XO

Recchinon


	9. Chapter 7 the face i see

**Disclaimer: Standard applied.**

**Seven Years**

**IT IS OOC, I WARN YOU ALREADY  
**

**-I haven't proofread it. I haven't edit-**

**Chapter 7—Shinichi—**

Dedicated for a man I fall in love with.

i. She knew there was something I had been hiding from her.

I smiled weakly though I knew she could not see me right now. I knew he would force me to admit what had happened while I was in Japan. She told me she wanted to go, after all Steresemann was a great musician and she respected me. Unfortunately for her she could not breach the contract she had signed, she had a performance to do with an orchestra in America. For me, I actually felt relieve that she did not come with me to Japan. With all the things that had happened, I was not sure if she needed to meet Nodame.

_And my son._ I added bitterly.

"Shinichi! Are you listening?"

I lost my train of thought and laughed nervously, "Ah, what was it again?"

She huff-ed and I could imagine she rolled her eyes as she said, "I said, do I need to go to Japan? I mean, I already finished my job here... I think it's about time for me to meet your family. Well, at least you mom."

_My mom._

I sighed.

"We have talked about this."

"I know, I know..." She said energetically, "Hey, have you met her?"

I leaned on head rest on my bed. I had just finished taking a cold shower when she called me. I hadn't put any shirt on. I folded one of my leg and rest my hand there, "My mom is busy..."

She chuckled and said something in Chinese which I knew meant 'stupid', "I am not talking about her, silly!'

Well of course...

I groaned. I knew who exactly was she meant but I asked, "Who do you mean?"

ii. "Your ex wife, Shinichi! Nodame!"

I frowned. I didn't like how it sounded. Ex wife was not a nice word. Yes, I had decided that I didn't like that word.

"We haven't gotten divorced yet. So practically, she is still my wife. I legally married her so until I legally divorced her, she is still my wife." I did not plan to sound so angry but I could not help my self. Luckily she knew me pretty well and just laughed at my words.

"But she did ask for a divorce right?"

I scowled deeper, "How do you know?"

She sighed, "Because I am a woman Shinichi dear... You have abandoned her for years and if she knew about us, ah I believe she knew already, she would ask for a divorce." She asked me again, "She did ask, didn't she?"

iii. "She did."

There was a long pause after that. I wondered what she was thinking at the moment. Even though I had known her for quite sometime now, somehow it was not easy for me to read her. I still never understood her as much as I understood Nodame. Maybe I just never wanted to try to understand her.

"And.." somehow she did not sound really sure to ask me, but she did finally, "You said?"

I rose my shoulder, again forgot that she could not saw me right now, "I said I don't want a divorce."

Actually I was expecting her to be surprised or something close to that but to my surprise she was nothing like that. She was so calm and she even chuckled.

"I have already predicted that..." she said something in Chinese, this time I could not get what she meant by it but I ignored it, "It's not easy is it? I know you still love her."

I groaned, "You don't understand..."

She laughed, "It's ok, I won't get jealous..." She teased me, "I know it all along. Heck I even warned you since the beginning!"

"You don't understand..." I repeated my self.

She just laughed again, "It's you who don't understand. Oh my gosh, Shinichi, you are too stupid..."

"Stop laughing!"

She laughed even louder.

I sighed.

She did not understand. This was not about I still loved her or no. It was not about me, it was about her. It was all about her and our son. They needed me and I was so damned if I could not do anything to them. It was not about I loved her or not.

In fact, I never stopped loving her.

iv. It was fifteen minutes later when she said she had to go because her mom was there to pick her up.

She blew a kiss before we ended a conversation. I was just smiling bitterly, she used to do stupid things like that to. Blowing a kiss, visiting me during a rehearsal with a lot of rice balls she made for me, leaving weird voice messages when I could not answer the phone... All of those stupid little things, somehow I never really bothered by that.

I closed my eyes for a moment but all that I saw was her face so I decided to open my eyes and look at the ceiling of the hotel room. This was not good. Ever since I met her and knew that she had a kid, my kid in this case, with her I could never closed my eyes without seeing her face. I could never sleep without dreaming about her. I dreamed about her a lot lately and they were never a really nice dream.

I missed her already even thought it hadn't been twenty four hours since I saw her. I need to see her again. Maybe tomorrow she would change her mind.

Just maybe.

v. I didn't know since when I was falling asleep.

Just like before, this time I also dreamed about her. It was not a really good dream but since it was about her I didn't have any heart to say that this was a nightmare. But really, this was not a really nice dream.

It was not really a dream actually.

I mean it was more like a memory flashed back in my mind. I was back to seven years ago. I was there once again, in the day where everything turned against us. The beginning of the real nightmare.

_"Nodame! Open your eyes!" _

_I slapped her face, a little to hard until it left some red mark on her pale cheek. I felt something wet on my cheek. That was my blood but I was too panic to care about it. My wife was not opening her eyes and it was freaking my self out so much._

_"Nodame!" I called her again. Almost frustrated that she wouldn't open her eyes. My blood on my cheek was mixing with my tears and my sweat now. _

She died!

_I tried to calm my self but I could not._

She died! And this is all my fault.

_From far away I could here the sirene of the ambulance and police car but she still would not open her eyes._

vi. It was before dawn when I woke up from the bad dream with sweat all over my face and neck.

I slapped my head.

"It was just a dream..." I told myself over and over again, but it would not make me feel better.

I slapped my face and closed my eyes.

Again, I could see her face.

**Author's Note**:

_Yeah, I dont need to hide the fact that I do postpone this chapter on purpose. I - am - angry. I actually planned to not continue this story. Before I tell my reason, I want to tell you that if my attitude and my behavior distract you from my story so be it, just stop reading it, seriously, I have nothing against my readers, I LOVE YOU ALL. But haters out there seems hate me so much for some reason I am not quite sure._

_And so, I received some flames. Yea, welldone, I never know that there're flamers in NC fandom. I love this fandom so much that I do my best to keep this fandom alive. But maybe it makes me look cocky for some people. And if people dont like me complaining in my author's note, just dont read it! I mean, hey this is my corner! I put it right on the bottom of the page so it won't distract you._

_For me being childish and stuff, is it really bothering you? It might affect my writting but people have choices, to read it or not to read it. It is ok if you don't like my writing but ask me to stop writting? Oh come on... Who's the childish one now._

_Maybe for you guys this story is easy to guess, or maybe too simple.. But I am sorry i am not that gifted to write a story like your liking. I am only able to write based on what's in my mind. And you may like it or not. And to say "It must be ended with happy ending" well, duh, I love happy ending, I cant stand sad ending. Even with some plot twist it will be ended happily. Well so what's the point? Being an egoist ariter who write for herself, I can't change the fact that I can't force my self to write what I don't like. What's the point of writting something you cant enjoy? _

_Sorry for complaining. If you stop reading after this I understand just to tell you I am moody and if I said I don't like flame, I mean it._

_**Recchinon.**_


	10. Chapter 8 that is so wrong

**Disclaimer: Standard applied.**

**Seven Years**

**-I haven't proofread it. I haven't edit-**

**Chapter 8 —Megumi—**

**Note:**

Present

_Past/Thought_

For You.

i. _"I'm pregnant."_

_He looked into my eyes. _

_I didn't dare to blink my eyes, I waited for him to say something—anything. I needed him to say anything to make me sure that this was real. I watched he opened his mouth nervously. I clenched my fists on my laps. He frowned and though he opened his mouth already, no word came out. _

_We sat there, face to face, for few more minutes—which felt like hours—enveloped by an uncomfortable silence. I needed him to say something but he lost his ability to speak. I knew he didn't expect me to talk about this when I called him this morning, but still I wanted him to say something._

Anything would do for me, just say anything.

.

ii. _"He knows about it?"_

_I sighed._

_He looked at me with a deep frown on his face. He looked much older when he put such a serious face and I didn't really like it. I liked it better when he looked carefree and happy, the way he looked at the moment was too depressing._

_"No, he doesn't know, yet." I looked away, half of the reason was I couldn't look at him wearing that frown in his face, "I don't know how to tell him._

I don't want to tell him.

_He let out a loud sighed. I didn't dare to look at him but I could felt that he was looking at me, I had a feeling that he still wore that frown. I didn't want to look at him. _

_"He needs to know."_

Yes of course.

_But I didn't say anything._

_"Nodame…" _

_I bit my lower lip harder and tried to pretend like I didn't hear him. He knew that I could hear him and he called my name once again. I didn't want to look at him because I knew he would try to make me do something I didn't want to do. _

_No, it didn't mean I didn't want to tell him because I wanted to. I wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice—I missed him so much. I had tried but I didn't know how to… _

_"Look at me Nodame."_

_He sounded stern yet so tired. Something in his voice made me couldn't deny him. I squeezed my eyes closed for few seconds before I turned to see him. His brown eyes looked into mine._

_.  
_

iii. _"Every man would want to know if they got someone pregnant with their child."_

_Maybe that was true but this was not that easy. I didn't say anything, I know he hadn't finished._

_"Nodame, Chiaki would like to know if you're pregnant with his child." He tried again, he didn't frown but the way he looked into my eyes broke my heart. I knew he was right, oh of course I knew it, "It'll be so wrong if you hide this from him."_

_I blinked._

_"Tell him."_

_I didn't say anything._

_"Call him."_

_.  
_

iv. _He didn't answer the phone._

I looked at my son's sleeping face and sighed tiredly. It was almost four in the morning and I hadn't slept at all. In two or three hours, Shinji would wake up and he would be worried if he saw me like this—half drunk with puffy red eyes. I knew I should get some sleep now so I would not look like a mess tomorrow morning. Besides I had to work this morning I couldn't go teaching the kindergarten kids smelling like sake.

I had never been an alcoholic before, I couldn't handle my alcohol and just smelling it had been enough to make me drunk. That was years ago before the accident. Now, alcohol was the only thing that could calm me when my son had slept and I had to be alone at night.

Sometime I wondered how much I had changed. I barely knew myself anymore. This was not me. Seven years ago I would never imagine that one day I would be someone as bitter as me now.

What had I done?

I had lost everything I ever had.

Something I loved.

Someone I loved.

Piano.

Shinichi.

Now if I had to lose my son I knew for sure, alcohol wouldn't be enough.

He had been my whole life ever since I gave birth of him. I had lost everything and then I had him, he was my treasure. My son, he looked exactly like his father, had been the only thing that kept me sane until today.

I had always loved kids and I always wished that I would have one. Now that I had a kid, I would not let anyone take him away from me—not even his own father. No, especially not him.

.

v. _"He didn't answer the phone."_

_The beautiful woman looked at his husband and touched his arm as if telling him not to say anything. I knew he would say something harsh about my husband if only his wife hadn't been there to warn him. During these past few months he kept complaining about my husband, he used to adore him but now it seemed like he couldn't talk about him without getting irritated._

_"He must be busy." Kiyora smiled at me, her long finger entwined to her husband sleeve, tried to stop him from saying anything that would hurt me._

_I sighed._

_I only needed to talk to him not to make him compose a song. How busy a husband could be to even answer his wife's call? I looked at the baby in my arm. The baby, even in his early age, had looked scarily exactly like his father. He was sleeping now—all he did in his two days of life had been sleeping and drinking milk._

_"I don't know…" I whispered._

_The baby stirred in his sleep. How scary a genetic thingy is, huh? The way he yawned totally reminded me of Shinichi. Oh my, if only he had been here with us… Didn't he want me anymore? Didn't he want the baby?_

_I heard a long sighed, "Nodame, are you okay?"_

_I nodded, "I'm okay." I smiled at the baby as he opened his dark eyes slowly, "I've decided the baby's name."_

_Kiyora furrowed her thin but beautiful eyebrows, "Eh, you don't want to talk about it first with Chiaki?"_

_I shrugged—even if I wanted to discuss with him, I couldn't._

_"Shinji."_

_"Eh?"_

_Both husband and wife looked at me and the baby._

_I smiled widely. Yes, I liked the name._

_"His name is Shinji." _

_.  
_

vi. Shinji meant to believe.

His name was written by character belief and path. Because I had believed that one day Shinichi would come to pick us two. I had believed that he'd still loved me. That actually he'd want this child…

…and I had been wrong.

.

vii. _"He got engaged…"_

_I might be stupid, but even this stupid Nodame knew it, you couldn't marry someone else when you're married legally to other person. Let alone to get engaged. This was so wrong._

_"…to Son Rui."_

Yes this is so wrong.

.

.

TBC


	11. Chapter 9 the truth from his side

**Disclaimer: Standard applied.**

**Seven Years**

**-I haven't proofread it. I haven't edit-**

**Chapter 9 —Shinichi—**

**Note:**

Present

_Past/Thought_

.

**i. **_"Shinichi, this is stupid."_

_ I looked at my mother. She sat there, not far from me, massaging her temples tiredly. I clasped my hands together and hung my head low as if trying to hide my face. I knew it, she wouldn't agree. I knew it. Deep inside, I agreed with her. All of this was stupid. I shouldn't do this. For what? Pointless. But I don't know anymore. I would do this. I had to do this._

_"This is not your idea, right?"_

_I shook my head, "No."_

_"It was that girl's—Son Rui—idea wasn't it?"_

_I nodded my head and sighed before she could say anything, "I agreed with it. I think, I need to move on, Mom."_

_"You are a married man, Shinichi! How could you do this to your wife?" _

_"Mom, you don't understand," I knew she did understand, I just needed to say something._

_She shook her head again, a deep scowl appeared on her beautiful face. Suddenly she looked older and so tired. She looked disappointed and I knew why, "I thought you hate you father," I didn't need to answer that and she continued, "But what you do is even worse than what he did to me!"_

_"I am not cheating!"_

_"Do you love Megumi?"_

_"Of course I do!" I pressed my hands to my forehead, of course I loved her. She was the only woman I'd ever loved this much. I never thought I was capable to love someone as deep as I loved her, "I love her, Mom. But I can't be with her. It's not right… If she stayed with, there'll be only bad things happened to her! I… I set her free!"_

_"You don't love Son Rui and yet you want to marry her? How ridiculous! You left the woman you love so much for someone you never love!" my mom started shouting, fortunately the room was sound proof, "I don't understand how could a girl as smart as Son Rui agree with this… this crazy arrangement!"_

_I shook my head, sooner or later she would know._

**ii.** _"She doesn't love me."_

_"Pardon me?"_

_"Son Rui doesn't love me. This is all," I gestured with my hands, "Her idea since the beginning, to announce our engagement to the media. It is all her idea."_

_Mom looked at me in disbelief, she looked so disappointed and I understood her reason. In her eyes, right now, I was no different than my father. Maybe she was right but unlike my father who didn't love her, I did it all because of love. Because I love her too much that I wanted to protect her from all the bad things I brought to her. _

_"What has she done until she deserves all of this ill treatment from you, Shinichi?" mom sounded so sad, her brown eyes looked into mine, she was shaking and looked so weak. I knew I had hurt her too by doing this._

_"I don't deserve her…"_

_She took a deep breath, she pressed on hand to her chest and closed her eyes, "Shinichi," she didn't say anything for a minute until she shook her head again and stood up, "I don't know. It's up to you."_

_I watched her leave without doing anything. I knew my mom would never accept this. I knew…_

_._

**iii.** We have our own reasons.

When I agreed to announce our engagement to the media, I didn't have any idea that somewhere in the other part of this planet, a woman who was still my wife at the moment was breaking. I didn't knew that she had my son. I didn't knew that my plan had become a boomerang and now, I had to face it that this plan was nothing but stupid idea.

Her reason was for popularity. She needed me to boost her popularity. Ever since her debut, Nodame had gotten a good reviews from the magazine and quickly gained popularity for her unique style while Son Rui, after a little problem with her management gradually lost her touch. Her mother also worried because she didn't have any boyfriend at that time, she was cornered by her dictator mother that if she couldn't play piano seriously, she should just get married and raised her children. The idea scared her, of course, and she asked me to help her.

By pretending to be engaged to me, she would had this chance to appear on those magazine covers once again, she got new jobs and her mother would not force her to marry some random rich Chinese men anymore. For her, this has been her only chance to make everything right again.

My reason was nothing as simple as hers. I did this for no one but Nodame. Even after I had ignored her for months, she was still trying to contact me. I just wanted her to stop that. I wanted her to forget me and move on. I knew in Japan she had her friends, she would be able to start a new life there, a life without me. Where she could be happier and do anything she likes. To be free…

By doing this, she might hate me, but that was the risk I should take. By hating me it would be easier for her to move on. By hating me, it would be easier for her to forget me.

I didn't like that idea but by doing this, maybe I could move on.

But I was wrong.

**iv. **_"Are you sure you are ready to see her?"_

_I was packing my clothes for my trip to Japan. It supposed to be a short trip so I didn't bring many clothes with me. I just needed to be there for the funeral. If this was not for the funeral, I knew I wouldn't stepped my foot on Japan anymore, or anywhere near her._

_"I don't know…"_

_She sighed. _

_The long haired girl who stood next to my bed patted my shoulder. I refused to look at her face I knew she looked at me with that kind of look. I hated it when people pity me._

_"You know, Shinichi, I know you never stop loving her."_

_"Does it really matter?" I said much rougher than I intended to, I closed the bag sighed, "I am your fiancé now, what people know, I love you. For them, she doesn't exist, they don't know about my marriage with her." _

_"And that bothers you?"_

_"I wanted to tell the world!" I stood up to face her. She looked so calm, "But before I had a chance to do it, I lost it."_

_"You lost what? The chance?" she smiled and crossed her hands in front of her chest, "Her?"_

_I looked at her. I knew she knew about everything I hid. She knew the reason why I agreed to be engaged to her. I knew she also knew my reason to forget her. _

_"Shinichi…" she touched my sholder, "My friend… When you see her, you will find the answer…"_

v. It was so confusing

Nothing had been going right.

Why?

I married the love of my life and had a son, a brilliant son, with her, didn't it sound wonderful?

But it wasn't as simple as that. I married the love of my life and hid it from the world, for a reason which was—if I thought about it right now—not important at all. I had caused an accident which made my wife lost her dream which was—if I thought about it right now—not that bad, I could just keep her by side, be a little selfish, I knew she wouldn't mind. I had done many stupid things.

Did I have a chance to make it up for her?

**vi. **_"You know, Chiaki, Nodame would never stop loving you."_

So would I**.**

**-TBC.-**


	12. Chapter 10 another boring chapter

**Disclaimer: Standard applied.**

**Seven Years**

**-I haven't proofread it. I haven't edit-**

**Chapter 10 —Megumi—**

**Note:**

Present

_Past/Thought_

.

.

i. What had happened seven years ago...

I tried to forget that. Everything that had happened to me seven years ago, I wanted to forget them all. Although I knew I couldn't.

Seven years ago... The only good things happened to me seven years ago was Shinji. He was the best thing in my life, came right at the worst time in my life. He was the reason why I could go on without being insane. He was my everything. He was a part of the man who owns my heart. My son. His son... No, he was my son. Shinchi had no right. He couldn't take him away from me. Seven years ago he pushed me away and this would be my only chance to get even with him, I would push him away from my life—from our son's life.

I knew I sounded too cruel. If you asked me, I didn't hate him. Honestly, I didn't hate him because I would never hate him. I could never hate this man, no matter how bad had he treated me.

ii. We used to love each other.

Or so I thought.

At least there were times where we were happy together. Our relationship had never been a secret, everybody had known and everybody been happy with our relationship. Dream couple from the music world. Everybody said we looked great together. I was really happy, we were so happy. I thought it could be forever...

He asked me to marry him.

We had been together for years when he proposed me. I knew it would happen sooner or later, actually I expected him to do that. I had been really happy when he finally proposed to me. We had to keep our wedding secret but I didn't care. I finally had been able to marry the love of my life I had been the happiest, luckiest, woman alive.

We were happily married, until seven years ago.

_iii. It was seven years ago..._

_We were in a hospital room. I was on the bed with him sat next to the bed. He had bandaged on his forehead and everywhere on his body but his eyes were focused on me. He looked troubled. _

_It had been thirty minutes and he hadn't said anything since he entered the room. I tried to called his name few times but he didn't hear me. He was far away, deep in his thought. I just waited for him to say something._

_"Are you okay?"_

_I had wanted to ask him the same question but he asked me first._

_I looked at him. His handsome face looked tired. I knew he was lack of sleep, just like me. He looked so weak that I almost couldn't recognize him. I understood why, and I would never blame him..._

_I wanted to answer him but I didn't know what to say or how to answer him. It was a simple question. _Am I okay? _But I don't even know myself whether I was okay or not. I was okay, but I was not. I was alive, so it should mean that I was fine, besides no internal wound and I didn't hit my head... I should tell him that I was okay so he would stop worrying, but I knew, he'd know I was lying._

_Because I was not okay._

_"The doctor said," though it was hard, I decided to tell him the truth, "that I cannot play piano anymore..." My eyes and his fell on my bandaged hand, "It will be okay for daily activity but no more piano... The doctor said it would burden my hand."_

_"I've heard that."_

_I nodded and kept my head low, for some unknown reason, I couldn't look at him. I didn't say anything anymore. I wondered what was in his mind and what to say next to break the silence but I couldn't find the right word._

_"So," he asked again, "Are you ok?"_

_How would I know?_

_I didn't understand my own feeling._

_I was alive, so I was okay, right?_

_But I cannot play piano anymore, so maybe I was not okay at all?_

_I shook my head, "I don't know..."_

_I heard he sighed, "It was all my fault, I am sorry... Megumi..."_

_He only called me Megumi on certain occassion, now he called me that name, I felt like it was his way to show me that he was really sorry. I didn't understand though, this was not his fault so he didn't need to apologize to me. It was an accident, we didn't want that to happen. Nobody was at fault, even I knew it, why would someone as smart as him didn'__t understand? I didn't blame him. I would never blame him._

_"This is not your fault, Shinichi…" _

_He didn't say anything._

iv. What had happened until today, I didn't blame anyone.

About the accident, or about being a single parent for my son, I would not blame anyone. This was not his fault. Chiaki was engaged to Son Rui right now, and that was not their fault. If they loved each other, I couldn't do anything. Even if Son Rui was not there, Shinichi would still leave me. He didn't need me anymore, and I understood. I would never blame him for doing so.

"Mommy, may I asked you something?"

I looked away from my food, my son who was sat in front of me looked at me with his big black eyes. We were having our lunch at a family restaurant today and I was spacing out. From the look on his face, this young man must have been really worried about me.

"Yes?" I smiled to not make my little prince worried.

"Mmm, promise that you won't get angry?"

I pouted, if he said something like that, big chance that I would get angry afterward. The last time he had used that tone was when he broke my favorite cup.

"Moooom," he said again with his childish voice, "promise?"

I smiled, "Okay…"

He smiled, a smile that according to Mine looked like mine, "Uh, well it's about that man…"

"Which man?"

I had a feeling about what would he asked me and suddenly I felt uncomfortable. I was not ready to talk about this with my son. I hadn't sorted my own feeling, I couldn't explain this all to him. He was still too young. But it was too late.

He looked into my eyes, I knew he was trying to find anger in my eyes, but I was not angry at the moment, I was scared.

"That man with black hair," he said again, he was a smart kid, I know he had something in his head, "Who's he, Mom?"

v. Lying was a bad thing.

Lying to your own kid was an unforgivable thing.

I was not the most honest person in this world. To tell you the truth, I lied often to anyone but my kid. I always thought that I shouldn't lie to Shinji. I didn't want to feed him with lies. Besides, he would know right away when I lie. He was a smart kid and he had a sharp instinct, just like his father.

I was never lie to Shinji about his father. I just never told him the detail. I was lucky that Shinji never really forced me to tell him everything about his father. He didn't want to make me uncomfortable. He was still young but he had developed this kind of understanding.

But now, this young man had asked me the question—a rhetoric one because I was sure he had the answer already—and I didn't know how to answer him. Lie was not an option.

I tried to give him a smart answer, "He was a man who I loved… in the past."

"Is he my father?"

I looked at him. He looked determined to get the answer. I could not avoid it, I should have known better than to avoid the question…

"Yes."

He looked at his now empty plate. He didn't say anything. He was thinking. He was so young but he has this mature side that awed me every time I saw him lost in his thought. He stayed silence for a minute before he looked at me again and looked curious.

"What is he doing here?"

I was surprised that he was so calm knowing his real father, he didn't get emotional at all. Maybe it was because he was still a kid? Or was it his mature side who made him so calm like this?

"He is Milch's pupil, he came for his funeral."

"And?"

I sighed, I was talking with a seven years old kid and it was like talking with a twenty seven years old, "There are things… uh, we need to solve…" I added, "together."

"You will get divorced?"

I gasped. He looked at me with his onyx eyes. I wondered how he knew about this kind of thing.

"What do you know about divorce, Shinji?"

He lifted his shoulders, "Miu-chan's parents' are divorced. Now she has to go back and forth to mom and then to dad… Miu's dad has new wife and Miu will have new baby. It sounds so troublesome," he frowned, "I don't like divorce."

I almost laughed when I saw his expression.

I reached out my hand and patted his head, "I hate divorce to."

"But you will divorce him?"

I lifted my shoulders imitating him, "Maybe?"

"You don't love him anymore?"

I smiled and rubbed his jet black hair, "What do you know about love, little man?"

"Not much, but I think you love him…"

I sighed, "Say, Shinji, do you hate him?"

He shook his head, "No, we don't hate people we don't know, right mom?"

I nodded, "Right…"

"Mom… Do you hate him?"

I looked at him and didn't know what to say. The looks in his eyes forbid me to lie. I didn't know how to answer him. I didn't know the answer…

I didn't hate him.

But… I shouldn't love him either.

"Why do you have to divorce?" he took his glass and drank his apple juice with the straw, "Do you hate each other? He did bad things to you?"

I held my breath, he was so innocent and I didn't know how to respond to his question.

"Is it because of me?"

I didn't know from where he got that thinking, "Why do you say that?"

Again he lifted his shoulder, "Who knows, Dad was never there since I was born, he never called… maybe he hated me."

vi. "He loves you."

"How do you know?"

"He wanted you, he had always wanted a son…" I smiled, "He wanted you…"

vii. It was me, the one he didn't want.

"Say, Shinji, do you want to meet your father?"

I didn't know what I am saying.

If I took him to meet Shinichi, he might take him away from me.

Maybe it was me who wanted to see him once again.

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**Author's Note:**

Thanks for you who's still there, I don't know how many of you still read this story… I wonder if I should discontinue this…


	13. Chapter 11 meet the boy

_**Chapter 11 : Shinichi**_

_**.**_

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_i. She couldn't play piano anymore._

_I had known her for long time. It was easy to see how much she loved piano, ah no, how much she _needed _piano._

_I sat there on one of the hospital park's bench, smoking a cigarette, something I hadn't done since I married her. There had been that one time where she had tried to smoke my cigarette, that had been why I decided to stop smoking at all. Today, I had to smoke. _

_After what I'd heard today, I wasn't sure how to react in front of her. She had been trying, yeah I couldn't believe that was not a merely acting, to make me believe that she had been okay._

_She told me not to worry but how could I? She was my wife. I loved her. Now, she had been hurt, and all because of me._

_I looked at the sky. I wished I had never met her. If I hadn't met her, she would be happier. She would continue living her colorful life, she would still play piano._

_But if I hadn't met her, what would become of me? _

_She had been the reason why I was here. She had been the reason of my dream came true. It was unfair. I got all that I wanted and she lost all._

_It was unfair..._

_I was happy all by myself. I had hurt her selfishly._

_I had..._

_I swallowed._

_I had to let go... _

_ii. I had called Mine this morning and he said he could take care of her._

_I already told him what happened and he agreed that for the mean time it would be better if she came back to Japan, away from the press. At least she wasn't as famous in Japan. There, she could do some rehabilitation surrounded by her friends..._

_It would be the best for her._

_Mine asked if I would come back to Japan as well, I told him I couldn't. I told him that I had works to do. I lied of course... I... Had another plan._

_I sighed._

_This wasn't easy._

_iii. What had happened that day would haunt me for the rest of my life. I knew it for sure. I would never be able to forgive myself._

_The blood, the siren, her..._

_I closed my eyes trying to get rid of my headache. What had I done? I should have known, motorbike wasn't a safe transportation..._

_I had been too excited. I was... I just... I had just wanted to take her for a ride with my new bike... I never thought we would... _

iv. I tried not to think about that day anymore.

Driving a car with this kind of feeling was dangerous. I knew it.

I had no time to regret what had happened in the past. Today I woke up with a decision that I would set thing right with her. No matter what. I would do anything to get her back.

I had called Rui this morning. She didn't sound too surprised or angry. She said that she had expected thing like this to happen since the day we agreed to pretend to be couple.

_'Took you long enough,' she has been laughing while saying that, 'it would be a pain to explain to the press about the anullment but I guess in the end it'll be back to normal again.'_

_Actually I felt bad. I, however, did want to help her. _

_'Sorry...'_

_'Oh, no need...' She laughed again, 'I can't really marry you, can I? Well I do a little bit worry though about the media reaction toward this news, I mean, if they found out that you're actually married and have a son...'_

_I massaged my temples with one hand. I actually had thought about that too. I actually didn't want the press to write about my family._

_'I know,' I sighed, 'I don't care what they would write about me, I am Steresseman's pupil and Masayuki Chiaki's son afterall... I just didn't want them to write about my wife and son.'_

_'Hm,' Rui thought for a moment, 'I will try to find a way, don't worry. Right now, you can just focus on your family.'_

_I didn't know how she would manage this but I was actually relieved that she wasn't upset or anything at me._

_'Xie xie, Rui...*' I said, smiling a little._

_Again she laughed, 'No problem. Jia you, Shinichi!*'_

v. I parked the car on the parking area not far from the chinese restaurant.

I walked to the restaurant while sighed heavily. Soon I would see her again, I knew it wouldn't be easy to make her agree to come back with me to French. I, however, would use any way to make her agree. I knew she wouldn't want to lose her son. It was low, I knew it, but I didn't care.

Maybe after this she would hate me.

Ah, maybe she had already hated me.

Afterall, she had all the right to hate me.

In front of the shop, I saw a tall man leaning on the wall, smoking his cigarrete. His bright blond hair stood out. He saw me but he said nothing.

When I was only a foot away from him, ready to open the door he stopped me.

"She's inside."

I scowled, "I know."

"She's not alone you know."

I looked at him. I said nothing but urged him to continue with my eyes.

He sighed.

He dropped his ciggarete and stepped on it. I waited not too patiently. Though I could guess what was it all about.

"Shinji is inside with her."

vi. I entered the restaurant, tried to hide my nervous feeling.

I didn't need her to know that I was nervous to see my own son. No, it wasn't only nervous, I was excited though at the very same time, I was scared.

Why did she bring him with her? Could it be she had told him that I was his father? How would he react? How should I react?

I had never been a father before. This was something new to me, and today I was going to have lunch with my son. After seven years! How if... What if he hated me? I hated my father, how if he hated me just like how I always hated my own father?

Maybe this was a karma? Because I had always hated my father, now my own son hated me too...

No, I didn't know about it yet. He was just seven years old. Maybe he didn't even understand about the situation right now.

vii. There they were sitting.

She didn't realize I was standing there at first. She was smiling, listening to whatever the kid, our son, was telling her.

The kid, Shinji, was sitting next to her. An empty glasses of something look like milkshake was on the table in front of him. He was trying to explain something to his mother. She moved his hands excitedly while telling her his story about whatever it is.

The view in front of me were taking my breathe a way. My wife and my son. My family!

He was the first one recognized me. Maybe he heard Mine-san greeted me, or maybe he just felt being watched by me. For a second or two, our eyes met. Shyly, he pulled on her sleeve to tell her that I'd been there the whole time, watching them.

Actually I still wanted to stand there just watching them, two most important people in my life, but it was time to get back to the reality. I tried to act casually as I walked to their table.

She lost her smile as soon as she saw me. She didn't say anything, she didn't even greet me.

The little boy however, bowed shyly, "Good afternoon..."

I couldn't help but to smile at the handsome kid, "Good afternoon."

"You're late," she said quickly, avoiding my eyes.

I looked at my watch and frowned, "I still have 10 minutes before our appointment time."

"But I was here before you, therefore you're late."

She was being difficult right after she saw me.

I sighed. I didn't want to argue here.

"Let's go, then."

She looked at me, confused, "Where to?"

"We're going to have some lunch," I turned to see the old man who was busy cooking for the customers, "Mine-san, I am sorry but we don't have lunch here today, it's okay, right?"

The old man make and 'OK' sign with one hand.

"But..."

I ignored her and lowered my body to the same level to the kid, "So, what do you want to eat for lunch?"

He looked at her mother to see her reaction but she didn't say anything. He looked at me with his onyx eyes. I smiled at him.

"Can I have hamburger?"

I stood up and ruffled his hair, "Why not? Let's go..."

.

TBC

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*xie xie, Rui : thanks Rui

*jia you : do your best!

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Author's Note:

I come back. I decided to continue this after seeing your supports. I will try to ignore the discouragements and continue this fanfic.

I really thank you for the reviews you have kindly left for me.

See you in the next chapter.


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